The Four Criteria for Effective Discipline

So now after you've taken a quick look at this new blog, you might be wondering; What is Positive Discipline? As I mentioned in the Welcome post, parenting is no different than driving a car in the fact that you need to learn the necessary skills to fully perform your role. If you're a parent (or at least you're interested in the field of parenting), you'd most probably already know that thousands of parenting books are available to guide parents through their parenting journey. A great number of these books focus on one of two extremes; either discuss deep psychological concepts, or provide straight to the point "what-to-dos" for you to follow blindly without informing you about the significance of these steps. Positive Discipline, on the other hand, is a great parenting program that tells you what to do but also tells you why you should do it and how it benefits both you and your child.

Parents are often not sure what parenting techniques are effective

So, in this blog post, you'll learn The Four Criteria for Effective Discipline, which are the fundamental rules that shaped and designed the 52+ tools of Positive Discipline. You'll have to understand these criteria first before you actually learn the tools and know how to utilize them because they form the foundation of these tools.

All of PD's parenting tools meet The Four Criteria for Effective Discipline:

An effective parenting tool is,

1. Kind AND firm, at the same time
2. Helps children feel a sense of belonging and significance
3. Effective long-term.
4. Teaches valuable social and life skills for good character

Before we start, you'll have to know that punishment does not meet any of these criteria. Positive Discipline is a non-punitive parenting program, which makes it respectful to both the parent and the child.

Moreover, in order to evaluate your current parenting methods, ask yourself: does this method meet at least one of these criteria? This way, you can make sure you're on the right track even before learning about PD! And if you're not on the right track, don't worry! You'll soon learn how to be so!

Kind AND Firm, at the Same Time

As the author puts it; "kindness and firmness at the same time is a cornerstone [if not the cornerstone] concept for Positive Discipline". Most parents, thinking parenting skills are pre-programmed in our brains rather than learned skills, stand in one of two contrasting extremes when dealing with their children, either too kind; which leads to a permissive, easily manipulated parent with a spoiled, irresponsible child, or too firm; which leads to a controlling, cold parent with a rebellious, unsecured child. Many parents also go back and forth between kindness and firmness without even realizing it, which results in a desperate parent with a confused child.

Positive Discipline's tools and methods are perfectly balanced between kindness and firmness, which results in a loving, kind, but firm parent with a cooperative, responsible, and respectful child.

I created a short video that demonstrates how a too kind, a too firm, and a kind AND firm parent would react to a common situation. The video will (hopefully) make the idea of kind AND firm clearer in your mind. Have fun watching!

Make sure you watch the video in 720p HD, it looks neater that way! 

Helps Children Feel a Sense of Belonging and Significance 

The need to belong and feel significant is an essential goal for all human beings, especially children. Haven't  you noticed how toddlers' eyes become full of pride when they please their parents? A parenting tool that shames the child for making a mistake, such as punishment, do not help the child feel a sense of belonging and significance, because by shaming the child, the parent cuts the connection between him or herself, and his or her child.

A cold parent that treat his or her children as soldiers in a camp, for example, tend to have children with low self-esteems. The parent might say: "But why? I've tried my best to discipline them, how could they turn out with low self-esteems?" The answer to that question lies in the concept of helping children feel a sense of belonging and significance. A popular PD tool that is specifically designed around this concept is: Connection Before Correction. That is, connect with your child first, by assuring them of how important they are to you, before correcting their mistakes. 

Effective Long-Term

This is the primary reason why Positive Discipline is a non-punitive program. If you tell me: "I punish my kids all the time and it works!", I couldn't agree with you more. I just have to point out to you that it works in the short term because punishment is never effective long-term. It does a pretty good job of stopping the misbehavior for now, but never actually teaches the child any valuable skills nor provide the child with an opportunity to learn from his or her mistakes. Click here to read a great article by Dr. Jane Nelsen about punishment.

Teaches Valuable Social and Life Skills For Good Character 

Isn't that the purpose of parenting in the first place? If a tool is designed to temporarily stop the misbehavior (like punishment), then what is the purpose of it? It surly did stop the misbehavior for now, but did the misbehavior disappear by simply punishing the child? Positive Discipline tools are designed to teach children important social and life skills to produce individuals with good character that will eventually contribute to their societies with whatever fields they prosper at. 

Here's a list of some of the social and life skills PD tools teach children:

• Self-discipline
• Responsibility
• Problem-solving skills
• Critical thinking skills 
• Teaches children not what to think but how to think
• Coming up with solutions 
• Teamwork and strengthening relationships

and much much more!

Now you're ready to learn PD!

Now that you have learned the The Four Criteria for Effective Discipline, you're ready to start learning PD tools! Once you learn some of the basic tools, you'll be able to implement them with your own family! 

But before that, first we'll have to discuss and understand the current Kuwaiti parenting culture. How it's like, and what are the leading problems that face Kuwaiti parents. This is going to be the topic of the next blog post. 

You can email me with any questions you have or ideas you want me to discuss. And as always, if you liked the post, please share it with your friends!

Also, don't forget to check out the official Positive Discipline Store and find everything you need to become the ultimate parenting expert!