PDQ8 Is Now On Facebook!

If you haven't heard it in the news yet, PDQ8 is now on Facebook! The page will keep you up to date with the latest posts and will also feature a Q&A section very soon!

Click on this link to jump right to it! And hey, don't forget to like it and share it with your friends!

Understanding The Kuwaiti Parenting Culture

Now that we have learned the Four Criteria for Effective Discipline, we need to fit these concepts to our culture in order to make the most out of them. But before we do that, we have to understand how the current Kuwaiti parenting culture looks like. It is very important to point out that the points I'm going to discuss are not based on research nor solid data, but merely from observation and my own opinion.

One of Kuwait's leading parenting problems: hiring housemaids as babysitters

Is hiring housemaids as babysitters healthy for our children?

First, I'll have to make a very important point. I do not (and never did), in any way or manner, regard a housemaid as someone lower than me. I give housemaids the utterest, most sheer respect for what they do. After all, they left their beloved ones to help people they do not know in a place they have never been to, and don't get much in return. That's not my choice anyway, because Muslims are required to respect and treat any individual with dignity and respect, especially housemaids.

Now let's get into the real issue. First, let me ask you a question, and I want you to answer it using your very common sense: Imagine that you're in a park during a clear, breezy day of spring. Birds are singing, trees are dancing, people are happy, and... children are playing. Obviously, someone is looking after the children, watching over them. Here's the question: who are these people? Take a split of a second to find the answer. Did I hear you say: "Their parents, like D'oh!". Well, 80% of the time, that isn't the case in Kuwait! Go to The Avenues on a Friday night; you'll find mom shopping, and maid taking care of the kids. Go to a park, mom and dad are checking out Twitter on their phones, maids are playing with the kids. Go to the local Co-op, mom asks maid what groceries she needs for cooking, maid answers while running after the kids. Heck, go to a typical Kuwaiti household; mom is busy watching TV, dad is in the Diwaniya, maid is feeding the kids. Maid is bathing the kids. Maid is playing with the kids. Maid is waiting for the kids to sleep. Maid takes the kids to school. Maid is doing this. Maid is doing that. You got my point, didn't you?!

The thing parents don't realize is: housemaids are not qualified to take care of your children. They were trained to help around the house with various tasks, and they should be respected and complimented for that, but they were not trained to take care of the kids! 

Why is this an issue? (to me anyway)

Three straightforward reasons: 

Housemaids are not qualified to take care of a child. 

Housemaids do not have any certified training in child rearing. I'm not saying that all the parents of the world are certified child rearers, but, obviously, when you take care of children that are not your own, you should have some sort of training, because you will be held responsible, and looking after a child is a serious responsibility. Sure, they might have children of their own, but in many cases housemaids come from cultures that are very different from ours. They usually have different customs and traditions that might not necessarily go in line with our own customs and traditions. 

It's not their job, it's yours!

Looking after a child (especially a very young one) is very hard work! It requires energy, patience, and a whole lot of time! Even when maids take care of their jobs; that is cleaning, cooking, washing, ironing, helping out, doing this, doing that, ...etc. they have to take care of the kids too! They have to endure all that stress, and it's not even their kids! Legally, housemaids are employees who signed on a contract and get paid by the employer (you!). I'm not that aware of the legal terms they signed on, but most probably their jobs do not include taking care of children. They may be hired entirely to either help around the house, or entirely to look after kids, but certainly not both! Regardless of the reason, it's not their job anyway, it's yours! You have made the conscious decision to raise a family, and you must be responsible for your decision. God will ask you about those children, because they're your responsibility, not anyone else's.

Maids "look after children", they don't "parent" them.

Parenting is defined as "the process of promoting and supporting the physical, emotional, social, and intellectual development of a child from infancy to adulthood" [1] But enough fancy talk, is that what a maid signed for? Don't think so! Depending on your parental views, a maid might "look after" your child until you're available. However, it is your sole responsibility to guide them and teach them important life skills. Remember my video [LINK TO VIDEO] on kind and firm parenting? A small incident like that can teach your child a lot of life skills. But what if a maid was with your child (in that situation) instead of you? I can assure you that, most likely, she won't have time to think of teaching your child important life skills, she has her own life to think about!

You think I'm exaggerating? Tell me why!

Many people have told me that I'm exaggerating when I say that hiring maids as babysitters is one of Kuwait's "leading" parenting problems. After all, who am I to talk, I have zero parenting experience! It might be true, it might be untrue.

Because of this issue, I've developed a short survey to provide you guys with an opportunity to tell me why you agree/disagree with what I said. I think this is such an important issue in Kuwait that I want to hear what other people has to say about it.

So please, if you have time, consider answering it! It should take you less than 2 minutes to complete.

Click here to answer the survey

Your participation will provide me with valuable information. So, after I read your answers, I'll write a post to let you know what I think about them.

If you loved Positive Discipline, make sure you visit the store and check out the goodies available over there!

One last thing: if you liked the post, make sure you share it with your friends!

The Four Criteria for Effective Discipline

So now after you've taken a quick look at this new blog, you might be wondering; What is Positive Discipline? As I mentioned in the Welcome post, parenting is no different than driving a car in the fact that you need to learn the necessary skills to fully perform your role. If you're a parent (or at least you're interested in the field of parenting), you'd most probably already know that thousands of parenting books are available to guide parents through their parenting journey. A great number of these books focus on one of two extremes; either discuss deep psychological concepts, or provide straight to the point "what-to-dos" for you to follow blindly without informing you about the significance of these steps. Positive Discipline, on the other hand, is a great parenting program that tells you what to do but also tells you why you should do it and how it benefits both you and your child.

Parents are often not sure what parenting techniques are effective

So, in this blog post, you'll learn The Four Criteria for Effective Discipline, which are the fundamental rules that shaped and designed the 52+ tools of Positive Discipline. You'll have to understand these criteria first before you actually learn the tools and know how to utilize them because they form the foundation of these tools.

All of PD's parenting tools meet The Four Criteria for Effective Discipline:

An effective parenting tool is,

1. Kind AND firm, at the same time
2. Helps children feel a sense of belonging and significance
3. Effective long-term.
4. Teaches valuable social and life skills for good character

Before we start, you'll have to know that punishment does not meet any of these criteria. Positive Discipline is a non-punitive parenting program, which makes it respectful to both the parent and the child.

Moreover, in order to evaluate your current parenting methods, ask yourself: does this method meet at least one of these criteria? This way, you can make sure you're on the right track even before learning about PD! And if you're not on the right track, don't worry! You'll soon learn how to be so!

Kind AND Firm, at the Same Time

As the author puts it; "kindness and firmness at the same time is a cornerstone [if not the cornerstone] concept for Positive Discipline". Most parents, thinking parenting skills are pre-programmed in our brains rather than learned skills, stand in one of two contrasting extremes when dealing with their children, either too kind; which leads to a permissive, easily manipulated parent with a spoiled, irresponsible child, or too firm; which leads to a controlling, cold parent with a rebellious, unsecured child. Many parents also go back and forth between kindness and firmness without even realizing it, which results in a desperate parent with a confused child.

Positive Discipline's tools and methods are perfectly balanced between kindness and firmness, which results in a loving, kind, but firm parent with a cooperative, responsible, and respectful child.

I created a short video that demonstrates how a too kind, a too firm, and a kind AND firm parent would react to a common situation. The video will (hopefully) make the idea of kind AND firm clearer in your mind. Have fun watching!

Make sure you watch the video in 720p HD, it looks neater that way! 

Helps Children Feel a Sense of Belonging and Significance 

The need to belong and feel significant is an essential goal for all human beings, especially children. Haven't  you noticed how toddlers' eyes become full of pride when they please their parents? A parenting tool that shames the child for making a mistake, such as punishment, do not help the child feel a sense of belonging and significance, because by shaming the child, the parent cuts the connection between him or herself, and his or her child.

A cold parent that treat his or her children as soldiers in a camp, for example, tend to have children with low self-esteems. The parent might say: "But why? I've tried my best to discipline them, how could they turn out with low self-esteems?" The answer to that question lies in the concept of helping children feel a sense of belonging and significance. A popular PD tool that is specifically designed around this concept is: Connection Before Correction. That is, connect with your child first, by assuring them of how important they are to you, before correcting their mistakes. 

Effective Long-Term

This is the primary reason why Positive Discipline is a non-punitive program. If you tell me: "I punish my kids all the time and it works!", I couldn't agree with you more. I just have to point out to you that it works in the short term because punishment is never effective long-term. It does a pretty good job of stopping the misbehavior for now, but never actually teaches the child any valuable skills nor provide the child with an opportunity to learn from his or her mistakes. Click here to read a great article by Dr. Jane Nelsen about punishment.

Teaches Valuable Social and Life Skills For Good Character 

Isn't that the purpose of parenting in the first place? If a tool is designed to temporarily stop the misbehavior (like punishment), then what is the purpose of it? It surly did stop the misbehavior for now, but did the misbehavior disappear by simply punishing the child? Positive Discipline tools are designed to teach children important social and life skills to produce individuals with good character that will eventually contribute to their societies with whatever fields they prosper at. 

Here's a list of some of the social and life skills PD tools teach children:

• Self-discipline
• Responsibility
• Problem-solving skills
• Critical thinking skills 
• Teaches children not what to think but how to think
• Coming up with solutions 
• Teamwork and strengthening relationships

and much much more!

Now you're ready to learn PD!

Now that you have learned the The Four Criteria for Effective Discipline, you're ready to start learning PD tools! Once you learn some of the basic tools, you'll be able to implement them with your own family! 

But before that, first we'll have to discuss and understand the current Kuwaiti parenting culture. How it's like, and what are the leading problems that face Kuwaiti parents. This is going to be the topic of the next blog post. 

You can email me with any questions you have or ideas you want me to discuss. And as always, if you liked the post, please share it with your friends!

Also, don't forget to check out the official Positive Discipline Store and find everything you need to become the ultimate parenting expert!

Welcome!

Welcome to the very first post of this newly-launched blog! This is a welcome post created for you so you can get an idea of what you'll get when you follow this blog!

First things first!

What's this blog about? Well, obviously, it is about parenting! Many Kuwaiti parents see parenting as something that comes pre-installed in our brains, when in fact, it is a learned skill, much like driving a car! Would you be able to drive a car without getting trained first? Wait, you're not thinking the skill of driving a car comes pre-installed in your brain, right? Well, parenting is exactly the same, only it is much harder than driving such an innocent and obedient machine! But don't worry, the joy of parenting actually comes from the hardships and challenges you'll be (or you're already) facing with your children!

Is this the right blog for me?

Well, it depends on you. If you have kids (no matter what age), are expecting to have kids, or simply love the field of parenting (just like yours truly!), then this blog is definitely for you! If you're not Kuwaiti (or at least not from the Middle East), then some (just some) posts might not interest you. Even though Positive Discipline (we'll come to what that means in a moment!) is a worldwide program that originated in the US, this blog will try to fit the many tools and methods of PD to the Kuwaiti (or Arab) culture as well as the beautiful teachings of the Islamic religion. Nevertheless, most of the topics we'll discuss will work for everyone no matter where they come from!

What's Positive Discipline?

Positive Discipline, or PD for short, is one of the most popular parenting programs in the US. As the official description of the program states; "for 25 years, PD has been the gold standard reference for grown-ups working with children." Since this is an introductory post, we won't go deep. But very briefly; Positive Discipline is a parenting program that was founded by psychologist, educator, and mother of seven; Dr. Jane Nelsen. Dr. Nelsen based the whole PD program on the philosophy and teachings of Alfred Adler and Rudolf Dreikurs. The program is based on a set of non-punitive tools and concepts that are respectful to both parents and children. PD tools are no magic, they're based on deep understanding of a child's thinking and feeling, but they sure work like magic! Throughout this blog, you'll learn more and more about PD's tools and the science behind them, so try not to miss any posts!

Now what?!

The first thing you should do is to follow this blog! You'll get a free, full size A3 poster with 17 great Positive Discipline guidelines which you can print and keep! Once you follow the blog, you can get email notifications when new posts are available so you can read and benefit from them! Also, be sure to share this blog with your friends if you like it!

Last but not least, you can email me with any questions you have, and I'll get back to you as soon as I can!